Do you still have your period?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
