2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
