Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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