It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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