this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
