Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
