im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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