so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
