I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
