Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
