Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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