someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
