I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
