Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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