I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
