you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Swine flu is the new snow day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
