the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
