She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
