No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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