So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
