Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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