I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
