Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she peed on how many people?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
