a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
