We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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