I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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