dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
