I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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