Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
