i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
