The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
