i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
