omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize