How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
