proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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