Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
