I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
