All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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