is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize