okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
