And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There are leaves in my underwear?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
