So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
