Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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