They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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