I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
