just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
