Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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