you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
sex in a hospital.. check
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
