I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
