the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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