do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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