the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
