It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm passing your future prison.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
