We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
