At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
