yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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