Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
