my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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