i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
