remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
