I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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