Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
