I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
