Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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