chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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