your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
