nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
