he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
