i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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